This Week's Contributions from Our Readers
Our readers send in some funny, funny stuff to share every day. You wouldn't believe some of the funny stuff we receive! However careful thought is given to make sure anything posted is family-friendly and doesn't favor any specific political party, faith, heritage or creed. So then, we ask what defines family-friendly and unoffensive? If what we see and hear on TV is our basis...oh my!
With all that considered, we hope you enjoy our weekly humor updates and we hope that all our readers understand that this is just HUMOR. Relax, enjoy and send us a few of your favorite jokes too. We will even give you 'reader credit' with the joke!
The Lighter Side of the New Health Care Plan
FIRST DRAFT OF THE NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:
You realize it really is the new plan when...
10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day..."
5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.
3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
And The Number One Sign You're On The National Health Care Plan:
1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct tape
Gotta Love Those Kids!
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."
Those Silly Parents!
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
Never Lecture Old Men
* A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
** Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!